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Warning:
This post will be another emotional post from me. It sums up all the feelings I had for the past a month.

After a year in varsity, I had been joining a few clubs, societies or organizations to continue my quest to be a more all-rounder person I had in my mind since I was in high school. Comparing to my old self, I guess I did improve a lot in overall aspects within a year. But some things couldn’t be changed.

The differences between a high school and campus are very evident to me – the overall environment and people. I may not meet and make as many new friends as my friends did but still I must confess that I really meet different kind of people just inside the university itself. Sometimes I really wonder how the people outside will be like.

During high school life, mostly we did our work individually rather than in groups. Even if we are in groups, it didn’t involve much hardship because we usually stick to our own groups which we felt comfortable in. Just in a year in university, I had been in different working teams whether is academic or non-academic purposes. I must admit it takes loads of effort to being and work in a team. People from all walks of life are so diverse in every way – mindset, behavior, attitude, working style, background, language, philosophy, religion etc. Working in a team of diverse people can be a very good experience because our lives involve around working with different people. It can turn out to be very frustrating as well - displeasure, arguments, hatred etc. We must really assimilate and blend in between all these dissimilarities. If we failed to do so, we guaranteed ourselves a place as a castaway.

Personally, I endured a life as a castaway before and it never felt good at all. Now, I am starting to feel weary just by fitting myself in a team. A little attention is all I requested. In person, I am very jovial and playful person especially with people I felt comfortable with. However, some people perceive me as immature, childish and emotional due to some reasons. Seriously, these three words I used to hate it to the max. Even now, I’m still not comfortable with those words. I always reminded myself that they sure don’t wish to see me in that character anymore after I portrayed another side of me.

After all these intense weeks, I started to realize that I had to use another side of me. No lame jokes, cranky noises etc. I will only talk and respond when I needed to. It’s totally impossible to satisfy everyone. I’m back to square one. Like any typical students, studies are the main priority because I personally think that no matter how good you are doing in other stuff, if you got a suck qualification, no one will put their eyes on you. This is because you are just no different from a failure. For example, you may be a very good planner and executioner, but just because you suck in English, you’re not hired after all.

There are always being pros and cons everywhere. The safest thing would be striking a balance in what are you doing now and your studies. By this way, you continue to stay alive in this world. My studies will always be my first priority again starting this semester. No more compromising other stuff with my studies. Enough is enough. I won’t cry over spilt milk anymore. I won’t expect other people to clear my shit. I’ll do my work because of my obligation excluding my choice of quitting. I have more important promises to fulfill. Hate me if you want. I’m tired. Adios.

My life is on the rock. Results are stumbling. Friends are grumbling. Performances are declining. Social life is crashing. Nothing good is coming.